Unschool Rules

It was just a few weeks ago that I shared our unschooled version of a seventh-grade-ish curriculum plan for 2012-13, and in it, I happened to mention we’d probably read some biographies this year.

Some biographies?? We’re on number four and not showing any signs of slowing down.

We started with a biography of Sitting Bull, part of the Sterling Biographies series I keep saying I love.

Then we read the Jim Thorpe biography in the same series, and that night, when I asked Ashar what she wanted to read, she wanted to start with the Neil Armstrong biography (another Sterling gem!) that she just checked out from the library.

FUN FACT: Neil Armstrong got his pilot’s license before he got his driver’s license!

Well, after we read the introduction and first chapter of that one, I asked her if she’d like me to read anything else.

After rummaging around for a while on her bedside bookshelf, she found…

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… a 1950s hardcover biography of Leonardo Da Vinci that my amazing husband had dug up for her at some used book sale or another.

We started reading the first chapter of it, and I was amazed at how much Ashar remembered from the Da Vinci exhibit we saw during last year’s visit to the Franklin Institute.

It turned out that not only did we read the first chapter, we talked about everything from his inventions to the Mona Lisa to that fact that “da Vinci” means “from the town of Vinci,” which, as it turns out, applied to Leonardo’s family.

FUN FACT (or, uh, opinion?): Our favorite da Vinci invention is the mechanical lion bearing flowers, which is pretty much the most amazing thing ever.

The coolest thing is, these biographies are teaching all of us, across so many areas of traditional curriculum. We’ve got history, science, social studies, reading, vocabulary, sports, art and more.

Ashar would have had a biography unit this year in public school. That’s not why we’re encouraging her interest in them, but it’s certainly an interesting chance to reflect on how homeschooling has provided us with so much freedom – and how, when Ashar is invested in her education, she’ll dig deeper than she ever had a chance to in a public school setting!

What else is Ashar reading?

We just finished our fourth book in the Life of Fred elementary series, “Life of Fred: Dogs.” Now we’re into “Life of Fred: Edgewood.”

If you had EVER told me that Ashar would ask me, routinely, to read one more chapter of a book that’s more or less about math, I’d have laughed hysterically.

Now, I’m just thrilled. Ashar even used the phrase, “WHEN we get to the Calculus book in the series…,” and it’s possible I might have gotten almost teary-eyed. I should also mention that while Life of Fred is described as a Christian series, we’re a secular homeschooling family and have had no problems using what few religious references we’ve found as springboards to discussion about what various people believe, which we like to do anyway.

Ashar’s also reading Treasure Island for free through the Google Books app on her new phone – something she figured out on her own that she could get for free and enjoy!

What’s the rest of the family reading?

My mom and I have been enjoying some medical thrillers by Michael Palmer – The First Patient, The Fifth Vial and A Heartbeat Away – all courtesy of our local library.

And Chris just bought 25 boxes of used books for his online bookselling business – and I’m sure he’ll be reading some of them before they’re listed for sale!

What’s your family reading?

One of the biggest changes wrapped up in our journey into homeschooling hasn’t had anything to do with school per se.

A lot of the biggest differences in our life now come in how we interact as a family. In so many ways, we were heading toward what I consider a pretty rock-bottom experience in an awful lot of ways.

Yelling, screaming, crying… sometimes even from Sarah! 😉

A big change for me has been in my parenting approach. Through the years, we’ve adapted several different strategies, and none of them were getting us where we needed to be.

When I read about the idea of gentle parenting, parenting with grace, peaceful parenting, whatever you want to call it, I thought: “Maybe this is the change we need.”

It’s not easy. And I won’t say any of us are adjusting perfectly. But we’re adapting ideas that work, and one of them is Saying Yes.

I’m trying to say yes as often as I can. That’s in terms of Ashar’s requests, but also my husband’s and mother’s, and even my own preferences.

No one in our family is a doormat, but we’re also not tyrants – any of us. So while we all eat dinner together as a family, and we all have a say in menu-planning, if I choose something that I know my husband or daughter really doesn’t want to eat… it’s no longer a big deal. They’re glad to make something else themselves, we still eat together, and everyone enjoys the food.

That’s a simple example, but I’m finding that this “yes” business gets real complicated real quick.

Saying yes to a cell phone

This was our big leap-of-faith YES this week.

Ashar, who’s about 12 and a half, went from having no cell phone to having what I consider a pretty top-of-the-line smartphone with few, if any, restrictions on it.

This is incredibly scary for me. I’m not naive – and I have major worries about the content of text messages that are out there, the types of apps that are available, the drama that comes from the perceived slights among how fast someone does or does not text you back.

I’m trying to trust – and I’m counting on Ashar to keep that trust.

It’s not perfect, for sure. We’ve already talked about some general etiquette do-and-don’t situations (including, probably the hardest one for her, not bombarding her public-school friends with messages during the day, which truly didn’t even occur to her until one of them got mad!)

We’ve also made it clear, even before the phone, that you don’t do anything on email, chat or now text that wouldn’t want broadcast in front of your parents and your pastor. (Now, if only I would extend that rule into my own sometimes-too-snarky text messages…)

The up-side to saying yes to this?

Ashar’s learned how to use Instagram, and is happily documenting her life in photos and improving her photography skills.
She’s downloaded the NASA app and is on there pretty much daily, checking out space photos and their captions and seeing how the Mars Rover is doing.
Her first-ever text message was sent to me, saying, “Mom, I really appreciate my new phone and I love you and you’re my best mom ever, thank you!”
She’s beat all the levels of the free Rush Hour logic game app.

Other ways we’re “yessing”

The phone has been the biggest “yes” this month, but we’ve had others, many more than I can list. A few off the top of my head:

TAKING the phone places. Yes, you can take it to the fair. (I may have been biting my nails the whole time about this one, but we – and it – survived.)
EATING something different than what’s on the menu plan for dinner. And, as I mentioned earlier, this extends to the whole family, not just Sarah!
MODELING in a fashion show with my mom! This was a “yes” I probably wouldn’t have done before, but it was an enjoyable way to spend the day and to do something together!
WEARING mismatched socks. This is a huge fashion trend among the middle-school set in this area, and Ashar has picked up on it. I kind of like it, but I do admit, we get some looks (including from some of my friends). If Ashar’s comfortable, no one is going to be hurt by her sock choices, so I say go for it, kiddo!

Have you said “YES” lately? Doesn’t matter if you’re an unschooler or not, a homeschooler or not, or even a parent or not! I truly believe saying yes can change all of your relationships when it’s done intentionally and with love.